|Woah Woah Woah Woah …….WOAH…
Can someone please finally put a stop to all this? Finally? Finally?!
FINALLY The Rock HAS COME BACK to Space Jam!!!
And this is yet ANOTHER occasion where The Great One was content to slumber for now, just relaxing in the Peoples Ocean just a short
walk from the Smackdown Hotel. His team sucks, he has no picks, and he has less cap space than it costs Louie to take that bus-ride down
to the Mavs arena shop where he sells Dirk hats for $50 a pop!
But NO. No, the Rooooody POO CandyASSES had to come pouring in and muck up the clean, clear, QUIET water. And just WHO is The
Peoples Champion speaking of? Well, lets start at the top. We’ll start with the thin sheen of multicolored FILTH that covers the water as far
as The Rock can see! Louie Escameowmeow. Now The Rock DOES understand that you have been gone for a LONG time. The Rock
understands that you have no idea what you are doing. The Rock even understands that you will be gone long before the start of even
NEXT season begins. But this is NO EXCUSE!
If this is your league and you ARE the sole person in charge, then TAKE CHARGE! Someone posts about a problem that might be solvable
now? Discuss. Then, SOLVE IT NOW. Don’t hide behind “well the Constitution says”. Someone goes on and on, AND ON about
something that’s already been discussed? Tell them to KNOW their Role and SHUT their mouth! They persist? SHUT It For Them!! All
those years of Warcraft make you soft? Give The Peoples Champion commish powers and he’ll do it.
If this is NOT a sole “Marc Cuban style” one man rules all, it might help if we knew. It might help if we were told who else is a commish. It
might help if we knew that these things were discussed by more than one person behind the scenes. It might help if we knew Louie didn’t
count his other personalities as “other Comish’s”. But The People can’t get everything they want.
Louie isn’t the only problem though. Because if you look under the surface of the water, below that sheen of CandyAssery you’ll find
massive globs of gunk just rising up to the surface. And each piece of gunk is in the shape of a massive piece of MONKEY CRAP! That
can mean only one thing….Tim Cole.
Where you come from, people rap? First off, that “rap” couldn’t have even made it onto the Space Jam Soundtrack Remix #42!! But more
importantly, The Rock doesn’t care WHAT you think! The Rock doesn’t care WHERE you imagine you are from. In reality Tim Cole, you
are from Ohio. You say you were born somewhere else? IT DOESN’T MATTER WHERE YOU WERE BORN!! The only thing, and The
Rock Means ONLY THING that matters is that you are never. EVER. Allowed to rap again. Put it in writing, nail it to your coffin and bury it
10 feet deep!! Put THAT in the Constitution! Cole raps, he’s banned for LIFE! You don’t even have to Know Your Role Tim Cole (And
yes…those last FIVE WORDS were a better rap than your little “rhyme”)….Just SHUT UP.
So that takes care of that. But if we go even further, to the root of the problem, we find the spill itself. A massive CandyassCrack in the
foundation of the Earth. Black tar spewing forth in amounts so massive The Rock can only think of one thing bigger, Dan Oneills love of
Andre Drummond. And who is at the source of this spill? Brian. Bogart.
You want to trash a rule? Fine. You want to post a poll? Fine. You want to change a rule and post a poll about it while simultaneously
making a bigger joke out of said poll than Cuban has made out of The Mavs? Not so fast. Lets see here, The People can either choose to
call the rule retarded, OR they can select that they “like to be handcuffed”. Next time, have some faith in your idea and post a black and
white poll. “With many teams struggling with how many contract years they have, should the rule enforcing 45 years be revised?” YES. Or
NO. That’s it! And perhaps a spell check? Nothing is more RETARDED than someone who can’t spell ISN’T.
So there we have it, all three components of the perfect way to ruin The Rocks day. But what makes it all the worse. What really leads The
Great One to believe the Bogart and “The Legend” really MUST cause problems or else they just aren’t satisfied is the fact that they are
both the BEST teams in the league. The teams with the fewest things to complain about are complaining the most. Carry on fellas, this
ocean is just about ruined. The Rock will be in the pool.
IF YA SMELLLLLLL What The Rock, IS COOKIN!!!